I never saw it coming. When i opened my eyes I was confused. I had been in bed for about 12 hours, but without any descent sleep. At the same time the many tears produced over the last few days left a headache, my sences were like stunned from exhaustion, and it took me a few minutes to recapture the events.
Where was i? Why? And who was that standing in front of me?
I slowly came clear. She was a nurse, or some other hospital employee. And behind her stood a Laboratory Technician ready to drain my venes.
I layed back down, and the lab-woman came closer, and with a niticeable experience she penetrated the skin, hit the blood vene and finished her job.
My mucles and mind felt paralyzed, and i asked the nurse “what did you do to me? Did you drug me?”
“No”, she replied. “We have only taken care of you, given you a place to sleep and looked after you all night long.”
Confusion rose in my inner. Why do i feel so paralyzed? The words stayed inside my head, so no answers was returned.
Do you want to come and get som breakfast? I quickly refused, as yesterdays memories slowly came back to me. There was this guy yesterday, who was stearing at me. A former inmate i think. But how about all the other patients? Are the someone i have passed during my work, or are they perhaps just dangerous?
Questions rotated in my head, faster and faster, and at the same time new questions appeared. This must be like the ADHD’s excessive thoughts. It was like a knockout by a high speed truck. And at the same time deep depressive mode, hopelessness, an undefined, yet very deep desire to call it quits. I was not strong enough for this.
I never had any breakfast, but i think some lunch and dinner was served, though i refused to leave my room at any time. At sometime during the afternoon a doctor an someone else (could be a nurse) knocked on my door and entered. They had found a way to get med to the right psykiatric department, bud it would take a few days. Reason was, that there were patients everywhere who where incarcerated by court, and likely had criminal records. It was fine by me, as long as i could stay in my room – or go outside to get some fresh air.
An hour or so passed by, and a new very kind nurse came to my door. “You and i both need a little walk outside, don’t we?” I nodded my head, put on some shoes and i was ready. We walked downstair and into a yard. All the way around was tall buildings or a great wall. I one small breach between bricks, where a 5-7 meters high fence, at I even seems to remember barbed wire on top of the fence – and the wall.
The yard has rather big, i guess the size of 2-4 standard size yards to villas in Denmark, and the gartners doing a great job. Neatly cut grass, lots of plants – even for november, the path was sloping round the bushed, and i really enjoyed it. I even had a little talk to the nurse. She was so nice and understanding. We talked a bit about excercise (running), horses, life in general, but not one word of why i was there.
Where were outside for roughly 30 minutes, when she said time was up. That was fine by me, as it had bin draining my last few drops of energy.
Later that night the nurse came to my room again.
“Jesper, if you were allowed to take a run outside the hospital, fx around the hospital, could you do it, and return here without hurting yourself?”
I had no idea what to answer, so i slept on it – well i tried.
That night they gave me a pill for relaxation/falling asleep. And it might have helped a but, but not much.
More to come…
Did you read the beginning of this story?